How many times have your heard “I need to set some boundaries or YOU need to set boundaries. We say it, we agree to it, BUT do we actually do it? Do we even know whaat it means? Do we know how to do it? Hopefully, this will help guide you and something in here will resonate with you.
Soooooo, setting boundaries involves establishing guidelines, limits, and expectations for yourself in various areas of your life, including relationships, work, and personal well-being. We sometimes say it is “with others” but it is all about US!
These boundaries are crucial for maintaining your mental and emotional health, preserving your autonomy, and ensuring that your needs are respected and met.
OK, ok ok, so HOW?
Identify Your Limits: Reflect on your feelings, thoughts, and physical sensations to understand where you need boundaries. Recognize situations, behaviors, or interactions that make you feel uncomfortable, drained, or stressed. You’ll be able to identify this through your feelings. YOU know what it feels like in certain situations or with certain people or when certain behaviors come out……. Write that down so now it becomes REAL!
Don’t Jeopardize Morals or Values: Determine what is important to you and what you prioritize in your life. Your boundaries should align with your values and serve your overall well-being. Don’t compromise to keep a friendship or a spouse. When you start compromising morals and values it becomes a problem.
Communicate Assertively: Clearly express your boundaries to others in a direct, respectful, and assertive manner. Use "I" statements to convey how certain actions or behaviors affect you. For example, instead of saying, "You always make me late," say, "I feel frustrated when I'm late because it disrupts my schedule." The minute “YOU” comes out of your mouth the other person becomes defensive and stops listening to you!
I feel…..
I would prefer….
I like it when…..
I don’t understand….
I find that confusing when…..
Be Firm and Consistent: Once you've established your boundaries, stick to them. Consistency is key to ensuring that others understand and respect your limits. Avoid making exceptions that compromise your well-being or values unless absolutely necessary. Once you give in you’re toast.
Set Consequences: Clearly communicate the consequences of crossing your boundaries. These consequences can be both natural (the natural result of someone's actions) or imposed (actions you take in response to boundary violations). For instance, if someone repeatedly interrupts you during work meetings, you might inform them that you'll have to end the conversation if it continues.
If………….then…………..statements work here!!!!!
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care activities that help you maintain your physical, emotional, and mental health. Taking care of yourself enables you to recognize when your boundaries are being challenged and to respond effectively. If you don’t, it will effect you personally, physically and mentally. It is that “what’s wrong with me” syndrome.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive individuals who respect your boundaries and encourage you to uphold them. If you're struggling to set or maintain boundaries, consider seeking guidance from a therapist, counselor or life coach who can provide personalized strategies and support.
Regularly Review and Adjust: Life circumstances and relationships evolve, so regularly review your boundaries to ensure they still serve you effectively. Be open to adjusting them as needed to accommodate changes in your life.
Remember that setting boundaries is not selfish; it's a necessary aspect of self-care and maintaining healthy relationships. By establishing clear boundaries, you empower yourself to live authentically and prioritize your well-being. Let me know what works for you!
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